Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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