Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
