i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Randomize
