party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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