This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
