That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
