Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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