the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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