I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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