wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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