rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
