He had one of those small greek statue penises
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
