My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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