Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
