it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
