arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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