dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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