Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
