Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
