FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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