I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
