I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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