Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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