Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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