i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
