My friends, they love my intelligence
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
