I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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