I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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