Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
