Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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