she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
