Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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