whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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