I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
and she was petting her beer can
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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