She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
