Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
