Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
