Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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