I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
