I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize