I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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