On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
