ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
