i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize