how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
