I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
