the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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