I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
