a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
