Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
