She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
