I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
