Im at strip club and am horny
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Randomize
