i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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