I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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