We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
