remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
