im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
