theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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