im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
