I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
