i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
