You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
