this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
