The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
