Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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