did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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