You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
my shit smells like andre
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
