And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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