Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
