So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
