Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
