I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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