is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
