the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
