Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
