oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My penis needs a shock collar
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
