i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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