it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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