Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
