Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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