oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
