I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
