My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
