My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
