i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize