Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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