i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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