i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
