Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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