I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
