I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's shark week go big or go home
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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