hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
