who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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