Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Randomize
