I feel great
I just peed on a car
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
