id be glad to
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
