sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
